I’m not quite sure when the pendulum swung but the current trend in my corner of the world is to have large families. No longer is it optimal to have a boy and a girl, no, it seems like children are today’s status symbols. I’ve likened the number of children a family has to their GPA. Here’s how the system seems to work (this is strictly my observation, no science or credentials provided):

One child = 1.0, as in not quite making enough effort. One kid is like barely showing up for class. Now the one child scenario is an interesting one to me because I am an only child and have always found that judgment is placed upon both the parents and the child for not having more kids/siblings. It is assumed by the general public that only children are spoiled, unsharing, self-centered beings who rely upon the world to entertain them. As for the parents, people are left to wonder why they didn’t have more kids? Was it because one kid is so portable and easy, like carrying a little miniature dog around in a purse? Or was the first one so awful that there is no way these parents can handle yet another child? Oh! Maybe the couple had fertility issues so poor them, one is all they get. It is rarely considered that, perhaps, one child is all that a family needs or wants to have.

Two children = 2.0, this family is average and has met expectations but just barely. Two kids are manageable and not overwhelming but makes for a small family. I’ve even noticed that when some parents of 2 kids are asked how many children they have they qualify the response by saying “only two” or “just the two”. Parents of two kids have been reduced to apologizing for underperforming in the population category. Parents of two children of the same sex have the added factor of those who like to encourage them to go for a third child for a shot at getting a child of the opposite sex. It’s as if having same sex children is on par with getting short-changed on the child-rearing experience at the amusement park that is parenting.

Three children = 3.0, a family that is achieving something above average. It doesn’t matter what the combination is of boys and girls because three kids is significant. I’d like to point out that I have three kids but was perfectly content with the two I started with-a boy and girl set of twins was PLENTY for me! (There will be a follow up to this sentiment in a different post, stay tuned) To the general public 3 kids is a full and complete family. There’s an oldest, middle and baby so that a full psychological analysis can be given to your kids before they even grow into a particular personality. I hear people talk about having a third child “in case anything happens to one of the other two”, like buying a 13th plate of your dinnerware in case one breaks.

Four children = 4.0, now this is an achievement! This is a family that has given the rest of us a model of success. I should clarify that people who have four kids do not necessarily believe anything better about themselves (in fact, some I know try to hide or lock themselves in the bathroom to get a break from the chaos) but the perception is that parents who can manage 4 kids are clearly running a big operation with mad skills. Having four kids gets parents an auto excuse for anything and everything. No clean clothes? Well, hard to get through laundry for 6 people! Late? It’s hard to get 4 kids dressed and out of the house. Can’t make it to an event at the last minute? With four kids, it happens, we understand. We are in awe of those with 4 kids, as in, “She works, she bakes, AND she has 4 KIDS!”, as if any skill is exceptional beyond birthing 4 children.

Anything beyond four kids is considered to belong to people who are either crazy, religious or keeping up with the Pitt-Jolie or Duggar families.

I mean this all somewhat tongue-in-cheek but there actually has been a social shift that equates how many children one has to his/her worth. I have a handful of friends who chose never to have children and it perplexes the general public. The expectation upon married people (and women beyond a certain age) to populate in order to prosper is burdensome. My personal belief is have as many kids as you do or do not want (or can afford!)-if you don’t want any, please DON’T have any! My friends who have consciously chosen not to have kids have heard just about every rude question and comment under the sun, as if a logical reason must be given to validate such a choice.

Here’s how I see it: I adore my children, I am doing my best to raise good people who will one day be adults, and I try to give each of them as much of myself as I can without shorting them or myself. Life with 3 kids can be stressful, loud and overwhelming, not to mention outrageously expensive but it’s the path I’ve chosen so I will try to keep my complaints to a minimum. It’s easy to pass judgment on those with “too many” or “too few” kids; giving birth is not the true mark of achievement but what I do to raise my children is what will identify my success (or not). For my friends who don’t have kids, it’s jealousy that spurs people’s judgment-can you come take mine for a few days so I can enjoy some peace and quiet for a bit?

The Real D